What Hit Me?

As I've thought about what I wanted to first post about my grief and loss is how I felt from the beginning and what I wished I had known thirty three years ago.  What stands out in my mind the most (if I had any regrets or that I wished I could have done things over) is being aware of the stages of grief and what to expect of myself and others going through the same loss.

When my Mother passed away my role was a daughter, oldest sibling and I was barely eighteen years old.  My heart was broken for not only what I lost immediately but also what I lost for my future.  My Mother would not be there when I married, when I had children, and she would not be there to function in that role.  I felt very lost, indeed.

Eight years later when my first husband died, I was not prepared to suffer yet another loss that was central to my core family unit.  At the end of the day, people usually go home to their families and the world keeps turning.  Again, my future dreams were altered and life seemed like a pretty heavy burden to hold alone.  In an effort to comfort me, other's would comment that I was not alone; however, that is how it really was at the end of the day.

When my second husband died after eight weeks of diagnosis, I was better prepared in not expecting that something like this would ever happen again.  I didn't live in fear, but I considered reality of life. 

When the news hit our home I felt like a bomb went off.  It felt like I lived in a war zone for a very long time as pieces and things were scattered all around in my mind and broken heart.  I was binding wounds of not only myself but my family living in a place of uncertainty. 

This time around, I recognized the stages of grief in a better way--almost like it was an unwanted friend entering my heart once again.  I knew this unwanted friend and he was going to stay a while.  As I tried to fight it I realized that it was better to take the friend of grief by the hand and start walking again.

I'd like to share some sites that can be helfpul to know what has hit someone in this situation.  Educating yourself can be a first step to finding coping skills.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model

www.cancersurvivors.org/Coping/end%20term/stages.htm