If there is ever something in my life that I can't or couldn't change on my own, it is the fog that rolled in and has stayed so long that just once in a while I see or notice something that I've never seen before in clarity. Just the other day when I was babysitting my grandson I looked down at a toy that I've had since my children were little and notice that it had screws in it! How very odd is that?
Coping With It: Don't rush into major change with relationships, finances, major purchases, and moving, etc.
Give yourself a chance to feel it and heal it enough so that you will think more clearly and not make decisions that you might later regret. Time can feel like your enemy because you may feel like you're held captive as you deal with your emotions. Time can also be your friend when it comes to coping with your grief and loss.
Try to think positive when you deal with time. While working through grief work, time can feel unstable and on the flip side, time can help you feel more stable. Think positive about time and choose to make it work for you long term.
I really like this, and agree completely. In order to grieve, we must be willing to take the time and effort to go through all the emotions we're feeling. It's so hard dealing with such a big loss. After losing my dad as a teenager, it was extremely difficult for me to cope. I was in a fog and couldn't think straight about any of my decisions. It was hard to grasp the fact that I was going to be coping with this my whole life, and wouldn't be able to focus clearly for a good year or so. Thinking positively and having a bigger outlook on life will greatly influence your coping. It's better to have a good perspective on life than sulking in a corner for the rest of eternity.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your reply, Heather. It's easier to talk about having a good perspective while feeling the pain but it's worth every effort. I just keep feeling like I can manage taking one day at a time. In doing so, eternity doesn't feel so overwhelming and feels more do-able.
DeleteYou have such a good way with words! I've always admired the way you can write how you feel and explain such difficult things in such simple words that are understandable, yet so profound. After losing my second father it wasn't as much of a blow as it could have been since I had a family of my own at that point in life, but I still woke up every morning with a despair so deep I thought it would swallow me up... How would we live life now? But I agree -- with time you get used to a 'new normal' and you need to move on with life in the best way you know how. I surely helps knowing that you will someday see your loved one again. :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind response, Dani. Feeling it can be so very painful and it's worth the effort to take the time needed to move in the direction of healing. Time and healing are a funny thing. Just the other day I was going along just fine and something came to me as to remind me of my Mother (who I lost 33 years ago). My emotions came back and surprised me. It appears that grief work has surprises that pop up here and there--out of no where.
ReplyDeleteWise advice, Connie! Giving ourselves time to grieve is hard, though. We can think we've gotten through the worst of it and then it whacks you over the head again in waves.
ReplyDeleteSo true, Jean. I like how you described the experience of riding a wave that whacks you over the head. I guess the trick is not to be so surprised if the wave of grief comes around and to have a plan of coping skills to choose from that can be that life saver to hold on to when needed. Planning ahead is a real good idea.
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